June 29, 2015
I want to begin by mentioning that this is actually my third attempt at writing a blog post that gets
the "green light" from Ashley. I was quickly told that my initial two blog posts were either a) too
militant or b) didn't follow the proper structure. So, 180 days in and still without a successful
post, I thought to myself "what direction do I need to go in to make her happy?". Then it hit me:
A post all about her.
Whether she is on a bus, plane, boat, or bed, Ashley usually falls asleep immediately. It drives
me right of my head because much like my mother, I can't sleep ever (thanks Mom). I would find
myself getting right disgusted when she'd start nodding off, especially on planes. I have gotten
more and more paranoid on planes as I've advanced in years. Not only that, but the fact that
she sleeps as sound as a pound makes it considerably worse. Combine that with the fact that
our initial flight (Vancouver to Seoul) was the most turbulent ride I've been on in 31 years, and
the result was a Bridger on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Like the old crowd in
Newfoundland would say "I should have taken an Ativan". Anyways, I was quite uneasy. That
was until I started to take notice of how foolish Ashley behaves when she sleeps. Drooling, neck
gyrations...she even does this thing where she breathes in, then she exhales through her mouth
closed. But before the actual exhale, both her cheeks fill with air like two balloons, resulting in a
big, obnoxious "POOOOHHHHHHH" when she has had her fill of air. It's majestic. Same
category as a mountain gorilla. I have half a mind to start a business where people pay me $500
and I take them "trekking" to our bedroom to observe her.
Therefore, in my attempt to a) entertain you, and b) get permission to post from Ashley as I had
previously mentioned, I give to you my first blog post: ASHLEY PERRY: ONE FOOLISH SLEEPER.
An illustration by yours truly.
The "Seoul Puke N' Sleep" with Gord & Semi.
"Fear Snoozing". Some Plane.
The "Fetal Carpet Position". Desert.
"Post-Shower Burrito". Turkey.
The Filipino "Ferry Trance".
"Running". The Philippines.
Commiting "Sleepicide". Jordanian Cliff.
The "Meat Coma". Turkey.
The "Battery Blackout". The Mediterranean.
The "Half Crucifix". Desert Condo.
The good old "I'm Unimpressed with you regardless of my level of consciousness".
A Comedy of sleeps highlighted by: "Feed Me More". Bottom Left.